Throughout my spiritual journey, my ability to experience love has changed. I always had a very high ideal of love. I always believed that love was, in its purest form, absolute, unconditional and perfectly stable. That was a hope that kept me striving ever higher to achieve that vision. I had faith in it, in a sense. But that vision was also just an idea in my mind. I did not actually know how to make that vision a manifest reality in the realm of experience.
1. When I started a disciplined spiritual practice in my 20s, my highest experience of love at the time was the yummy good feelings I experienced with my boyfriend, my family members, a select few close friends, and my horse. It was a feeling of goodness that I needed someone else to be part of in order to feel. And it was stable only as much as I and the other party were able to interact on loving terms. My ability to trust this version of love was tied to my ability to trust the other person. And when this love got broken, it hurt. Sometimes, it hurt a lot.
2. Eventually, I learned how to let a flame of love kindle in my heart chakra. This was a very comforting and stabilizing inner experience. I certainly felt I could trust this experience of love; but I was very limited in what I could trust it for. I could only feel it now and then, and only for short spurts. While I knew what to practice to try to let that love flame alight in my heart space again, my results were hit or miss. So I didn’t recognize this inner glow as a friend I could count on really, because I couldn’t count on myself to find how to open that chakra up properly whenever I remembered to focus on it.
I was young in spirit and still had much to learn even just to discover how to hold a steady sense of peace within myself yet. So while I cultivated my intellectual and practical understanding of what it even meant to walk in divine love, I continued to trust my experience-based perception of relationship as my esteemed platform for attempting to satisfy my need to feel a love connection ...even though my adventures in love relationships brought a lot of disappointment and pain. But ever the optimist, I continued to try to use my growing spiritual understanding to figure out how to manifest the highest of love, in the form of a love relationship. I went on like this for years.
3. After working very hard to understand, in the light of my growing spiritual discipline, why I experienced so much distress and emotional pain around the relationships I valued most, I arrived at a realization. My ideal of love in the form of relationships, was inherently flawed and it would always hurt me. Because by design, it caused me to overlook my own inner heart connection in favor of a pleasant feeling I was chasing with someone else. The overlooking of my own inner flame of divine love, was the real damage. And it’s what made me feel in the first place like there was an absence of love inside that I wanted to repair by deep connections with others. And so I dropped my chase, and indeed my desire, for the ideal love relationship, and gave dedicated attention to listening inside for my inner heart connection.
4. The next level of love I discovered, is how the heart wants. I was cultivating a quiet space of my own inside. I persistently weeded out impulses to do what I thought others wanted of me, and even what I thought I wanted of myself. My objective was to clear a peaceful pool of quietude within in which I could hear the delicate vibrations that my heart put into this quiet pool. I asked into this pool to discover what my heart had to say by listening for anything there was to feel… I was listening to feeling that was not instigated by thinking. And this type of listening inside gave me joy and warmed my inner being with the feeling of my own friendship with myself. I was finally showing up inside myself. And doing so built a comforting fullness that started to heal the lack of love I had hurt from all the years prior.
As I practiced this listening within, I discovered my heart could tell me of something I want. But this type of want felt completely different from any version of wanting that I had experienced before. Prior to this, wanting always included a lack that needed to be filled or repaired. This heart want did not feel needful. It was not telling the story of what I lack that needs to be fixed. Rather the wants that arose from my heart told the story of what I was about to become. Always a want arising from my heart gave me my next direction… what I wanted to focus on or do next… and it made me feel full and joyful and confident in the adventure of self becoming in such a way as felt exactly right. I settled into a very self-sufficiently joyful and easy relationship with myself that I discovered I would never trade for anything.
5. After many months, I stretched from my private heaven to find how I could give of my being to the wider public. I started to write for the Sacred Reality blog. I wrote first-hand experiences that I saw could give something of inspiring, educational, or supportive value to anyone on a practical spiritual path. It was wild for me to put such deep and personal honesty down on “paper” for all the world to see. For so many years, I had kept my inner life to myself except for a select few friends. But I had many friends and friendly acquaintances who didn’t really relate, and I had learned to keep my mouth shut. I was still myself around everyone, but often not very deeply shared. I usually let sleeping dragons lie with my casual friends because the thought chemistry wasn’t really there, and I wasn’t going to push my perspective on anyone, nor was I interested in inviting them to push their perspective on me. Publicly expressing my inner life on the blog, was a whole new level of honesty. And it felt amazing! I felt so happy being my deepest self out loud. Doing so grounded and strengthened my commitment to walking in love. I saw from this how my own relationship with the love in myself grew from giving of it.
Additionally, the writing process brought more clarity to my mind and more gifts from the experiences I wrote about. Writing my experiences down revealed new insights about those experiences that I couldn’t glean during the experience itself because everything went by so fast in real time. But the writing was like a slow, fine-toothed comb of feeling with the added advantage of a retrospective lens… so I could see the whole experience at once, with the frames slowed down, and put new things together from it. To give the most to the reader, I also elaborated on the most important spiritual principle I saw demonstrated in each experience, and these elaborations gave me the opportunity to stretch with my feeling sense for new depths of clarity in universal truth. By this exercise, my feeling sense revealed things I’d never seen so clearly, or from that angle, or even at all before. It was disciplined work that was often tedious to begin but always deeply rewarding to complete. And it started to bring out my spiritual voice as an extension of the changes love gave to me in my growth process. My experience of love grew more solid as, by sharing out loud my very personal journey of walking in love, I became more solid and joyful in my commitment to that walk in love.
6. Some months later, I was wordlessly presented in meditation with the knowledge that I would begin coaching people for the facilitation of their spiritual development. Two weeks later, one individual spontaneously approached me with a significant issue he was grappling with, asking sincerely for my counsel. And then three days later, another individual did the same. Not too long after that, through another unexpected turn of events, I came to envision a practical spiritual coaching program to offer, and how to offer it, and to whom. In a short time, I had two coaching clients. And as I applied the way that I am with myself in my still inner pool to being with these clients, I found myself travelling the energetic frequencies of their mind as they talked, and imparting the energetic frequency of the clarity I was holding in my still pool, to them so they could feel it within their own mind. I continually asked within my feeling sense where to go in the flow of our dialogue, how to phrase things, and what practical exercises to suggest, to advance their edge. Resting in the unknown and asking inside my feeling in each moment, kept me out of my head and in service to this person to the tune of the universal truth that I kept touching and stretching into by my asking into my feeling. I served as a medium, feeling my client and feeling truth in the now emerging from the cusp of the unknown at the same time, and feeling how to bring both together. My clients found great benefit. It was incredibly intimate work in a pure and beautiful way. And it took my highest reference for the experience of love, over the moon.
In this work of feeling universal truth to give it, I felt my heart intensely radiant, and my voice felt like a beam that shown directly from this radiance in my heart… an unobstructed straight shot from my heart through my throat into expression. My throat literally felt physically different, and my heart center literally felt hot with an energy that made me smile.
The feeling of giving of my first-hand experience of love and truth to another soul to bring that soul to travel love and truth for themselves… and then to arrive in a moment of travelling love and truth together, opened my chakra system wide to unprecedented heights of love energy. Sometimes I felt tickly all over with such a physically-palpable ecstasy of joy in the cells of my body that I didn’t know what to do with myself. And then I would just breathe. Such smiley restlessness was just part of the process of my nervous system opening to higher frequencies and quantities of light.
I am so grateful. I can never turn back from this. It is not enough now to walk this path in pleasant solitude. Truly the height of my life experience thus far, is this brilliance of love energy burning inside when I give of my heart and clarity selflessly to another soul that they may find the same. This truly is my greatest joy and the highest experience of love I know.
This reflection illuminates the aspect of spiritual self-development called ascension. Ascension in its ultimate form is the merging of the soul, or self, into the Christ frequency of Light. Ascension is sometimes described as a fantastic spiritual climax that is the glorious destination for our spiritual journey. But the truth is, we approach this ultimate merging incrementally. Which is actually all around good. A sudden transition to full embodiment of the Christ Light from a relatively young spiritual state of mind, could easily be too overwhelming for us to integrate those Light frequencies with grace and balance. Theoretically. But honestly, it’s likely not even possible. Because the subconscious beliefs we hold from convictions we developed while NOT feeling a connection... Login as member to read the whole explication