The other day, I had a spontaneous turn around in how I see my body. I think what comes next in this piece might be a slightly taboo topic. So, I’ll handle it with tact, and hopefully we can all be adults about it. :)
I had always viewed the various liquids and solids my body releases, as essentially… gross. Not in any abnormal way. Simply that they were something to be disposed of neatly, and not touched if possible, and not thought of in any way except as something to dispose of.
So, this other day, in the middle of one such normal and neat event of handling egestive biological activity, somehow, it struck me that what my body had released was in fact wonderful in the sense that it was the product of amazing metabolism processes that are, well… health itself. And instead of something gross to be held away, discarded, and forgotten immediately, this substance was in fact informative evidence of how well it’s going with those metabolic processes and the overall environment on the inside.
Suddenly, I felt a glow of love for my body, and appreciation for its processes. The aura of grossness around bodily byproducts evaporated. An attitude cloud of dissociated ignorance lifted, and in its place, I felt a warm, friendly, genuine interest in how my body is doing at the metabolic and organ processes level.
“How’s it goin’ in there?” I asked my body with sunny, warm affection.
At that moment, that day, that’s as far as it went. A shift in perception and attitude. But in the days that followed, I had a new angle to work in my mind…
At a restaurant for breakfast with my family. I scanned the menu. “What do YOU want?” I asked my body. “What would work for you?”
My body looked past all the various delicious-sounding configurations of eggs with bacon and/or sausage, cheese, salad, toast… My body said, “Hmm, that oatmeal looks like it’s fairly simple to assimilate. I approve the oatmeal.”
I checked out the ingredients. Hey, cool. Looks like there’s no sugar. I almost went for it. But then I remembered:
Grain + Not Organic = Glyphosate.
Glyphosate damages the biome.
Crap! I can’t do that. I won’t. We have to pick something else.
My body was silent. I have noticed that it usually stops talking the moment I don’t respect something it said.
I chose scrambled eggs over cauliflower with little bits of bacon and pecorino, cooked with butter instead of oil. I can taste the rancidity of olive oil when it’s used for cooking; but butter doesn’t go rancid in cooking temperatures, and I have noticed it feels easier on the body than rancid oil. It was the wisest decision I thought I could make, given the options.
Now, I’ve had this dish a number of times, and really enjoyed it. But this time, it wasn’t really the right thing for where my body was at at that moment. It felt too dense and rich. I felt caught between a rock and a hard place: eating something that had the least burdensome ingredients according to my best judgment but that my body didn’t really want. I stopped two-thirds through and took the rest home.
On the way home, I mulled over the contrast between eating to satisfy my mind’s eye versus eating what my walking metabolic ecology really wants. I looked at the irony in general of eating something because of liking it and wanting it emotionally… and experiencing the emotional delight of eating it, while at the same time, the act of eating that exact thing is handing the body a big hunk of 8 to 12 hours of dire metabolic stress and effort. I looked at and felt the lovelessness and harm inside that inner disconnection and ignorance. It was like some kind of indulgent, detrimental laughter… celebratory emotional escape and self-hatred all rolled together. I just let myself see and feel this.
My reflections also led me to look at how hard I often push myself, staying up too late to get things done. I always felt justified in doing this because I could do it. If I had the energy to successfully push and get things done, then I thought I’m being a hero by doing it, and my trophy was my level of productivity.
But in the light of this new attitude of taking a loving interest in my body’s inner health processes, I looked at this habit of pushing myself to work late into the wee hours even when I’m tired, and I thought, “How is that loving my body?” It looked more like a cold, hard, slave-driver mentality with little empathy or awareness for how the slave is holding up so long as the work gets done. And I softened and woke up to how foolish and costly that pushing attitude is. The health of my body is what allows me to be here doing anything at all on this planet. It’s in my best interests to treat it with awareness, empathy, love, and respect.
The next few days, all of this was at the top of my focus. I maintained interested, listening attention to how my body was feeling and what it wanted. Honestly, even though I’m a “healthy” person, I noticed that my body, in fact, did NOT feel great. It felt like it was saddled with some kind of thickness it was trying to work through… like I ate too many big hunks of metabolic stress over the holidays. I thought I did pretty good navigating the fortnight of parties; but apparently, not good enough.
Things felt tight and even tender in places. My body wanted digestive support in the form of gentle pressure or presence from my hands on my mid-back in various places just below the rib cage. And it wanted water. And fruit. And sleep. And it wanted my spirit energy focused within and listening.
Through directing kind, interested awareness inward, the vibrational environment of my body started to elevate. I could feel that the process of restoring health was not just respecting my body’s wishes on the physical level; it was also the presence of my spirit energy through my focus, feeding my body the light that it needs to restore the coherence of God’s intelligent design for the human form. And through this process of attention and respect placed into light energy and action, ever so slowly, muscles, organs, fascia, and energy all started to loosen, move, and change for the better.
In this telling, we see the author making a transition from relating to her body through a filter of habitual personality bias to entering a truly present relationship with her body. We catch but a few glimpses of where she’s coming from before this transition. Let’s open up the mode of mind-operation inside this personality-bias approach as compared to the soft listening perspective she discovered in this piece… Login as member to read the whole explication