It is a fact that death is a widespread experience among human beings. I have been touched by it quite personally through the loss of two of my immediate family members. Death is a serious issue with which to content.
As one who is committed to realizing a reality founded in a mystical, Love-based paradigm, I have to ask myself: where does death stand in this Love-based paradigm? Does Love create death? This is important to investigate within, because how can I trust to listen to and follow the voice of Love within my heart chakra for my safety and sustenance if Love is the creator of death? Even just writing this question at this moment, I feel a very subtle energetic tension and confusion inside around imagining trying to trust for safety that which would ultimately consign my expiration, or at least the expiration of the body I inhabit.
Visiting this issue over time, I have considered a number of related awarenesses:
Thought is causative. What we believe shapes our reality. We learn about death before we experience it, by hearing about it and observing the fact of it as others experience it. Because of this, I grew up with death as a belief deeply rooted in my subconscious. And yet, I have wondered, is it my belief in death that is what will create my death eventually? Is death of the body a law of how life works? Or is it a contagious subconscious program that we as a race have yet to get out from under because we keep passing the belief in it around to each other and onto our children, and then living out our belief and thus generating proof for others to confirm their own belief?
The body has mechanisms to continually refresh its tissues. Why do those mechanisms produce rejuvenation in the short term but fail to do so in the long term? What causes the change? Is it really designed to fail over time? Or is the failure due to things that go wrong like accumulations of chemical contaminants and toxic metals that interfere with the body’s natural metabolic ecosystem?
To anyone reading this, I just want to say, I do not have the answer. Even as I rest with these questions and feel my way through toward what feels real at all levels of my being, my answer can never by your answer. Even my question can never be your question. Because the fruitful wrestling happens within the realm of inner feeling, which we can only ever do for ourselves. But maybe my wondering and wrestling has chemistry with yours. :)
About three years ago, I felt my immortality for the first time… the immortality of self. I had lifted myself out of seeing self as a physical animal body with a complex intellect. I was experiencing a natural awareness of self as spirit, a spirit that has a body with which to experience in the three dimensional plane. And in this state of self-awareness, I felt a quality to this self that was like a single musical note that did not change pitch nor did it fade. It just vibrated with perfect steadiness. I vibrated with perfect steadiness. And in this feeling experience of self, I knew that I am eternal. In that moment, I also perceived that death was within the domain of choice. I, spirit, could be here as long as I choose. But this was just an opening of awareness… It was not a full-bodied knowing.
A year or so later, I was sitting with friends in the midst of a discussion about this topic. The discussion was tearing at the edge of what I could imagine to be possible. But it was also making sense in a way. It was presenting the premise that as we open up our ability to integrate the Christ Light into our awareness and sense of self, the light coming into the mind enters the cells of the body, and rejuvenates, energizes, and gradually upgrades the frequencies of the physical body so that it can be maintained in health as long as spirit chooses to be here in this three dimensional plane.
I had heard these proposals before, and entertained them in my imagination. But this night, I was interested in how real this premise was for me or not. Could I feel it and know it to be true for me? Or was it just a fanciful tour through imagination?
I looked inside and asked my body, “So, what do you think about this immortality stuff?”
In my feeling awareness, I heard a response. My body’s cells replied, “We are busy carrying out a program toward death.”
So that was the honest news. I was still counted among the mortal. Whatever was required to even make a go of testing this theory of immortality out, I had not yet attained. I had to get real with myself about this issue if I really wanted be real walking in Love. Because death made me feel like I am just an animal body. And yet I knew that I am more than that. I have experienced more than that.
So in the coming days, I reached deeper into my feeling sense in my grappling with my own belief in death, and what is the mechanism of rejuvenation by light? What is spirit really? What is Love really? Are spirit and Love real, or not? I didn’t work hard at it. I was just present and really honest with myself in the moments I would give to this issue.
I would elaborate here on the psychological process of unravelling that I was going through, except there wasn't one. It was just a process of me showing up to feel what I do actually know and feel in truth and also what my inner landscape around death felt like. I was just honestly being with both these things at the same time, noticing how they were in conflict with each other, feeling each nook and cranny of both so I could see as deeply and completely as possible through my feeling sense, and waiting patiently to feel how these conflicting inner experiences would resolve.
A couple weeks later, I asked my cells again, “So, immortality... how 'bout it?"
Again the answer came back, “We are busy carrying out a program toward death.” I observed the honest report and continued my work of being present with these questions in my mind.
A few more weeks passed and I asked my cells again, "So, what do you think about this immortality thing?"
My cells replied, "We are listening," and instead of being busy with their attention turned away from me, engrossed in their assigned activity, I felt all of them facing me, neutrally receptive to my directives if only I knew how to give them. I realized that I was the captain of a ship. My job was to be captain of the ship. It had always been my job; but all these years I didn't know how to do it and was largely ignorant of my position. In fact, I had seen myself as more of a passenger, doing my best to control what I could but mostly along for the ride. In my ignorance, I had been an irresponsible and effectively absent captain, on board but lost in dreams and beliefs, and unavailable to perform my duties of leadership. So my body had to take care of business as a crew without guidance. And to boot, it had to put up with things I would do that were counterproductive to my body's mission for its own health.
I felt also the strain the body had been going through because I was absent on the duty of bring the energy of Love in through the mind to feed the cells. I had run the body in a state of stress, cut off from communication with me, and cut off from Love because I was so many years lost in ego and in a process of waking up. So many ways and years of various angles of awakening process did I undergo before I was finally ready to notice and heal this relationship.
But now, I woke up within this relationship and entered a state of communication with my cells. They were listening to me. And I saw it was up to me now to use their attention wisely and to rise to the office of captain by focusing my awareness to radiate the frequency of Love into my cells so Love could replace the program toward death that my cells had been following, with the harmonious order and intelligent design that Love's frequency naturally generates wherever It touches.
I felt appreciation for my body in this renewed relationship. I felt compassion for the dysfunction of communication my body had tolerated and compensated for up 'til this moment. I felt gratitude and love radiate from my chest quite naturally, and then this radiance permeated like waves of joyful, tickly warmth throughout my body.
At a fundamental level, spiritual unfoldment is actually a process of very deep psychological healing. Peace enters in a space where there is no conflict... where volition flows freely in a harmonious state. This is true between people. It is also true of the inner experience within one person. When we have thoughts or beliefs that conflict, it causes a twisting or binding of energy inside us. We experience this as confusion, or doubt, or an inability to act or feel or know what we want. The light that we are cannot fluidly and freely express. The way our energy bings up around inner conflict, also blocks the joy-inspiring and rejuvenating energy of Love and Life from flowing through our mind and body. At the deepest level of our essence, we are Love. So, any idea or belief we... Login as member to read the whole explication