Upon waking, I realized I felt like reading my friend’s manuscript… finally. He had sent it with me on my vacation, hoping I would read it on the plane and have feedback for him upon my return home. I did not read en route, however, due to the minor but constant random vehicular motion of the plane, lest I become car sick.
And on vacation, my prime directive was to listen to and honor my own intuitive flow. I’d actually like to make that my daily lifestyle always. But I often find myself tempted to compromise between feelingful flow in the now and thoughts that feel important and encroach upon my sensitivity to the now. For instance, the idea that it’s important to spend quality time with my dad. And the idea that I want to come through like a champ on work tasks delegated to me by my colleague. There’s nothing wrong with either of these desires. BUT. They matter to me in a way that sometimes I give up feeling and trusting the flow in the now, to accomplish them. Whereas, I’d rather fulfill them BY following the flow, because then I can bring true joy to these commitments and fulfill them that much better.
Challenge though this still is in daily life, at least I could dedicate my vacation time to such a way of walking through every day. And so my friend’s manuscript sat quietly in my book bag as the days of my vacation passed with sleeping in, walking on the beach, going dancing, having dinner with friends in the area, etc…
Until this one morning… As my body’s engagement in sleep faded away, I simply lay in bed enjoying the peace within myself. Then I noticed, ever so subtly, a feeling that I wanted to read my friend’s manuscript. But I didn’t feel quite like moving out from under the covers to get it. So I lay there, languishing in the peace within myself, soaking in the warmth under the covers, and knowing more and more clearly as the minutes passed that I did, in fact, want to read that manuscript. Then I noticed that I actually started to feel some angst or tension enter into my beingness. I realized I had to get up and get his manuscript now. Because reading it was what I felt like doing, and by not acting on that feeling, I was disrespecting my true nature as it was expressing itself in the now, and this disrespect of self was starting to build stress. So I got up and grabbed the manuscript, bringing it back to curl up under the covers with it.
As I began to read, it also occurred to me to touch base with a client who I’d be meeting with on the phone at some point later that morning… It felt like the right moment to propose the specific meeting time. It was currently 9:30am, and as I felt into what appointment time jived with my morning flow, my feeling sense said to set it for 11:00am. But immediately, I was like, “What? How can I be ready by then?!” So I felt into it again… 11:00am. And again. The feeling was very clear. But I kept arguing with disbelief inside myself. Surely I should make the appointment later… I’ll be reading the manuscript for a while, and then gotta shower and get breakfast. But the feeling for 11:00am was crystal clear. I caved 50% to my doubt and texted my client to offer 11:00 or 11:30am. Then I re-entered my reading trance…
Chapter One… It was easy and peaceful to be present with the manuscript, being right in my own groove with it. Chapter Two… Subtly, I noticed some stress kindling inside; but it was physical, not emotional. My body needed fuel. This is something I also often don’t take the best notice and care of in my normal swing of things; but on vacation, I was like a hero: I have to DO something about this!! I got up and grabbed a banana. The stress subsided and I went back to reading. For Chapter Three, I saw an interesting jigsaw puzzle of possible improvements for the ending, which I made notes on. Then I felt like I was done, even though I was only 25% through the material.
Again, I was tempted by an impudent voice from my head… “But I was going to read more of it this morning.” I had a certain baseline idea of productivity that I hadn’t yet satisfied. So like a jerk, I tried to ignore my flow feeling and started reading Chapter Four. But I only got a few sentences in when I realized I had to stop… I couldn’t curl up peacefully with the reading like I had the previous chapters, and tension had just started to build up from me “doing it anyway.” I bowed to the flow I felt inside and put the manuscript down. It was 10:10am and the next move felt like a shower and breakfast. I realized that would put me ready for my client right at 11:00am, just like my feeling sense had told me. So I texted a confirmation for that time and hopped in the shower. By the time I was out, my client had texted that 11:00am was perfect. I attended to breakfast, and flowed into our appointment on time with ease, feeling in my groove and right with myself.
This sharing highlights the spiritual meaning of obedience. We grow up learning that obedience means to behave as others in a position of authority or power, expect or demand. We “must” obey our parents, obey the law. Dogs get obedience training so they do what their human steward tells them to. In all cases, the worldly definition of obedience is essentially submission to someone else’s control. Sometimes, this coincides with the obedient subject’s safety or best interests. As in when our parents demand we listen so they can keep us safe. Other times, it does not align with our best interests. Like a woman standing in line to be killed in Nazi Germany… obedience in the worldly sense led to death in that case. This particular woman asked the German guard nearby, “What happens if I step... Login as member to read the whole explication